In the year 1990...

So my mom wrote on her blog about being 16 again. Got me thinking... it was 1990 when I was 16. I was in High School, Redwood High in California. The 80's were gone. At the time I remember thinking, "Good! The 80's sucked!"

Curses! The 80's ruled!!! But I was young and dumb. I can remember thinking I knew it all at 16. I didn't even need school. I'm smart.

Yeah right. I look back and my only regret was not being more aggressive when it came to things I wanted. My confidence was non-existent. As most teens can attest to.

I remember there was this girl that I thought was very pretty. She was in my art class, she sat on the other side of the classroom. I was terrified of her, yet attracted to her. Silly huh? I know. For months I just glanced at her, never ever tried to talk to her. Then one day, as we were cleaning our paint brushes, she approached me. AHHHH!!! She's coming over toward me. What am I gonna do?

I step to the side to allow her access to the small paint stained sink. I remember I wanted to talk to her, but I kept my mouth tightly shut. What if she hates me? What if I say something stupid? What if my voice cracks like Peter from the Brady Bunch? (My voice still cracks occasionally and I'm almost 34 years old for Pete's sake!)

Anyway, she says "Hey" to me. She actually talked to me!!! OMG!!! How poetic that one word became in my head. It was fantastic. It was like a song! Time stopped! All sound died off. Only the two of us existed. Here's my chance. I can tell her that I've been wanting to talk to her all year long. I can tell her that she's pretty. I can tell her that I'm madly in love with her.

So what do I do? I just "reverse-nod." Yep, I nodded upward instead of downward. It's the guy way of saying "What's up?" but without words. The gesture is similar to signaling something that's "over there" without words... try it... pretend you're telling someone to go "over there" using only your nodding head.

That's what I did. I reverse-nodded. No words, so smile, no eye contact. I just dumped my paintbrushes into the sink, washed them quickly and nodded. Ack, I was a tool.

I never did speak to her. I thought I had all the time in the world, but I didn't. We moved shortly after. I missed an opportunity, one of a thousand in hindsight. But hindsight is 20/20 as the saying goes.

It's funny, but in the history of the universe, that one event seems so small, so silly, yet it really did change me. As the years passed I would often think about that day. All the what if's and what could've been's entered my head. Plagued my thoughts on those lonely nights. I should've been more outgoing, I would say to myself. I should've been more confident. I should've been more bold!

But I was 16... an awkward, voice-cracking, thought I-knew-it-all, dumb teenager.

As I grew older and more severe problems began to enter my life... work, rent, car payments, taxes, bills... I would long for the simple days of being a teenager. The days of worrying if a girl was going to talk to me, the days of sitting in a classroom learning, painting, drawing, talking to others. The days of MTV when they still played music videos, the days before 9-11, before the war. Never having to worry about the future. Those days were great.

And after all that would I ever want to be 16 again...








Hell no!